pauline quirke has stigmata

i am a child. certainly in terms of juvenile humour. i’ve recently started telling people that the diabolic gwen stefani single 'the great escape' is a new single by carol vorderman called ‘3 from the top and 4 from the bottom’. you’ll be surprised - if you can maintain an air of contrived insouciance long enough – how many people believe this. especially if you crudely cut and paste a cover together and send it to people attached to an email as proof.
i mention this because a friend has just rung to tell me that not only did hmv not stock the carol vorderman album ‘another consonant please carol,’ but they’d never heard about it. i told him it was out on geffen and that he should contact the record label in case they have delayed it’s release – i can’t tell which concerns me more, the fact that a friend of mine believes this or that he’d be prepared to part with money for the wretched thing.
now i’ve begun telling people that pauline quirke has stigmata. no reason except it amuses me. unfortunately i can’t seem to muster the requisite expression to deliver this with the required impact and as a result have succeeded only in looking faintly puzzled as i tell people – more conviction is required but it’s very difficult... try it, and if only one person believes you, you win.