engage your mandibles

i dreamt last night that i headlined the main stage at glastonbury playing guitar with led zepplin.
that aside, i also wanted to draw attention to the fact that i have written a book - naturally, this is in itself no great feat, but for anyone who knows me, knows the slack, lackadaisical, usually half drunk manner in which i write, will know that this is some sort of miracle. not, obviously a very good miracle, with slightly less spiritual importance and special effects then most, and now i think about it there's not even a lousy smoke machine for chrissakes, whaddayagonnado ?
tell you what i'm gonnado, i'm going to get a project started called 'just once '* (with the brainlaser crew, naturally) whereby you have a 'just this once' first thing which you have never done or would concieve of doing (possibly on the grounds that it is (a) illegal or (b) moronic). on monday i'm inventing a language (i say 'inventing') which will be a mix of the elongated japanese sounds and the stutter and pulse of swedish vowels and pretend it is a legitimate language from an actual (also made-up) country....somewhere north of finland. the object is to convince someone of your bi-lingual ability. i suggest not a spouse or family member, at best they'll laugh - then get fed up and slap you. that's at best, at worst they'll haul your broken bones over a cliff.
incidentally there is no point or purpose to 'just once' '', as long as it's not something you've done before, and possibly something you can only ever do once....as inventive as it's possible to be.
mercy me.
*incidentally, if anyone can come up with a better name then 'just once' then for the love of jay-sus please let me know.....